Why You Should Take Yourself on More Dates
The weekly gift I give myself
This past year has been a crash course in a lot of things. But the single greatest adjustment has been in learning how to spend time alone. It’s a huge shift from my 20s, when I could count on one hand the number of nights I spent by myself (crazy, but true). At first, it took real effort to do anything on my own. I had to relearn how to cook for myself (not just cereal, or skipping dinner), sleep on my own (I think of this quote from ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ all the time, “You gotta sleep in the middle of the bed. It's not healthy to have a side when no one has the other side.”), and even do errands and chores knowing I had no one to carry in groceries with or delegate laundry to.
Although I still sometimes struggle with being alone—especially when I feel like the only person ordering one coffee on a Saturday morning—I have happily embraced one single ritual: Taking myself on solo dates. The trick to a solo date is to plan an activity as thoughtfully as you would an actual date or outing with friends, except the person you’re spending time with is yourself. Over the course of the past year (and several outings that made me feel worse instead of better), I’ve learned that a truly great solo date can give me a similar sense of fulfillment as a great night with friends. Below I share a nearly perfect solo date I took myself on last week, and why they should always consist of three parts:
Part One: The Meal
In my mind, a great solo date has three parts: a main event and meal, but also some sort of spontaneous interlude. The best part of a solo date is, after all, the ability to change your plans on a dime and do exactly what you want to do in that moment. But first, the meal…
As soon as I bought a ticket to my friends art show downtown, I began to fantasize about the dinner I would take myself to beforehand. After weighing a few options, I settled on a sushi spot in the neighborhood that I’d heard great things about. Sushi is my go-tos since they offer countertop seating, which makes the whole “table for one” thing less awkward (though I care less the more I do it!). I often bring a book or notebook, so I can pace myself while eating.
Part Two: A Spontaneous Moment
With thirty minutes to spare between dinner and the event, I popped into William Sonoma where I browsed the kitchen aid attachments and bought a Kitchen Aid Pasta Attachment as a gift to myself. Other spontaneous moments have included:
Milkshakes and fries at a diner after a concert
Popping into a store to browse, and maybe purchase, a small gift for myself (as I did recently when I bought myself some new kitchen towels)
An evening stroll with frozen yogurt (my current favorite is the baklava topped fro- yo from Heirloom eats)
Earlier this year I took myself to a movie, only to realize another film I wanted to see was playing right after. I didn’t have anywhere to be (or anyone else to check in with), so I happily indulged in the double-feature.
Part Three: The Main Event
My favorite “main events” are always grounded in some sort of creative activity—something that fills my cup and leaves me feeling inspired (similar to Julia Cameron’s concept of an “Artist’s Date”). This can include a concert, show, exhibit, hike, workshop, or other event. Below are some recent examples of events I’ve attended, or plan to attend, on my own to get you brainstorming. Although these are all obviously Fresno-specific, I hope they inspire you to look into similar events in your own city:
A day exploring the Forestire Underground Gardens
Poems read at Lit Hop
Summer Concert at Engelmann Cellars (get a wine slushie too!)
A workshop at Good Dirt Pottery
After seeing previous shows at the Saroyan theatre, I purchased tickets Swan Lake
An art class as my favorite local art store
I recommend subscribing to newsletters from your local museum, theater, concert venues, bookstores, coffee shops, and arts organizations, then adding events to your calendar so you always have a “main event” to look forward to.
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I like this formula! I hope you get many more solo dates. They seem lovely!