Sunday Edition: How to Be Okay with Being Misunderstood
Learning to live with the gap between how you feel and how you’re seen
The Sunday Edition is Tuesday’s little sister—off-the-cuff updates I’d bring up over a coffee catch-up with a friend.
There’s a particular kind of ache that comes from being misunderstood.
It’s not loud or dramatic, more like a quiet hum beneath your ribs. The softer sting of realizing someone’s version of you doesn’t quite match who you really are.
Maybe you’ve tried to explain yourself.
You’ve over-clarified, over-shared, stayed up at night replaying the conversation, searching for the missing line that would have made them get it.
But here’s the thing: there’s a limit to how much explaining we can do. Sometimes, people only see what their own story allows them to. And no amount of precision or vulnerability can rewrite someone else’s interpretation.
It’s hard, I know, to stop defending your intentions, to let your truth stand quietly without needing everyone to nod in agreement.
But peace comes, slowly, when you learn to live with that gap between how you feel and how you’re seen.
Because being misunderstood doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
It doesn’t mean your heart is misplaced or your intentions unclear. It just means you’ve grown into a version of yourself that not everyone is meant to understand right now.
The Quiet Question
And so I ask myself, what am I really trying to win here?
I keep that question close. It surfaces whenever I feel that familiar urge to explain, to correct, to be understood.
What am I really trying to win here?
Am I seeking truth or validation?
Am I trying to be known, or just trying to control how I’m perceived?
Most of the time, if I’m honest, it’s the latter.
I want to tidy up my story so no one can misunderstand me.
I want to manage their interpretation so I don’t have to sit in the discomfort of being seen incompletely.
But that’s not connection.
That’s performance.
The people who are meant to know you will still see you clearly, even through the static. They’ll read the subtext, sense your heart, and fill in the blanks with grace instead of judgment. And the rest? They were never yours to convince.
The Inevitability of It All
Being misunderstood is inevitable.
It’s the cost of being a whole, complex, evolving person.
There’s something deeply human about misinterpretation. We like to believe we’re rational creatures, that we observe and form logical conclusions, but mostly, we see through the lens of what we’ve lived.
We interpret people and moments through the fog of our own hopes and hurts, connecting dots that were never meant to touch.
Once you understand that, it softens things. The sting fades. You stop needing everyone to see you perfectly, because you realize none of us ever truly can.
For me, the shift happened when I realized that being misunderstood was not a failure.
It was proof that I had stepped outside someone’s expectations, that I no longer fit neatly into the version of me they had built.
And maybe that’s what growth really looks like: outgrowing the narratives that used to contain you, even if it means being misread for a while.
One day, you stop trying to close the gap.
You find comfort in the few who do see you clearly, and even more comfort in the fact that you see yourself.
You realize that clarity doesn’t come from convincing others; it comes from standing still in who you are.
And when you reach that point, the noise quiets.
You stop editing yourself mid-sentence.
You stop rehearsing your explanations.
You start to feel the quiet power of being at peace with being misunderstood.
It’s not resignation.
It’s release.
What story about yourself are you learning to stop explaining?
Thanks for reading, friend. If this resonated, hit the heart so I know you’re out there reading along.
The Second Act is an entirely reader-supported publication written and created by Danielle Wraith. Click here to subscribe or gift a friend a subscription here (if a friend sent you this —tell them thanks!). Anything you want covered? Questions? Reply with a comment below! You can also find me on Instagram. Please come say hi!