Sunday Edition: 5 Things That Helped Me After the End of My Marriage
Practical tools for navigating the loss, embracing grief, and finding hope again
The Sunday Edition is Tuesday’s little sister—off-the-cuff updates I’d bring up over a coffee catch-up with a friend.
Divorce and navigating the end of a marriage is one of those life events that no one can truly prepare you for. I know I’ll look back on this post one day and likely realize I wasn’t as far along in the healing process as I thought I was.
For example, at this time last year, I believed I was truly ready to start rebuilding the next chapter. I entered the year with wide eyes and a hopeful heart, fueled by unrealistic expectations to have my “best year yet.” In reality, I was still deeply in the early stages of grief.
my exhusband and I were together for 13 years, married for 10 and I still consider him one of my closest friends and we have worked hard to have the best possible co-parenting relationship possible. Even under what would be considered us moving forward under the “best of” or “easier” circumstances because we are amicable, the process was still quite agonizing and heartbreaking.
The loss, the uncertainty, the moments of loneliness—it can feel insurmountable at times. But through the chaos, I found tools, habits, and moments that brought me comfort, clarity, and strength. Today, I’m sharing the 10 things that helped me navigate one of the most challenging chapters of my life.
1. Therapy
I honestly don’t know how anyone can go through a dissolve of a marriage or any major life transition without a therapy or some sort of support system. My therapist became my lifeline, a safe space to process the layers of emotion I didn’t even know I had. Excitement, doubt, fear, happiness, sadness, regret… Finding the right therapist felt like a victory, and through weekly sessions, I gained clarity and tools to move forward.
Here is a resource to help find affordable therapy online
2. Journaling and Morning Routine
These two things go hand in hand because my journal because my guidebook. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t sit and write down all of my feelings in this journal. The journal truly just sits on my nightstand and every morning I wake up I write down a few things. Whether it’s a line of what I’m grateful for or a few quotes that I found on Pinterest that morning, it is a simple little book that I jot things down in. I don’t over think it, I just empty out a few lines.
Here are a few examples of things I’ve jotted down over the years:
“Honest and Relatable”
“Stay Calm”
“I have support”
“I am not in this alone”
When everything else felt out of control, my mornings became my anchor. I started each day with a shower, journaling, and my homemade iced coffee. These simple rituals reminded me that I was worth showing up for and helped set a positive tone for the rest of the day. Having this routine gave me something to look forward to each morning, especially on days when the moment my eyes opened, I felt the weight of sinking grief. It wasn’t an ideal way to start the day, but instead of avoiding that feeling, I created a plan to navigate it. My morning routine became a roadmap—something steady to guide me through those uncertain times.
3. Books That Spoke to My Soul
Books became my companions during sleepless nights. One of my friends came over and saw the stack on my nightstand and cracked the joke “tell me you’re going through a divorce without telling me you’re going through a divorce.”
Some of my favorites:
"When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron
“No Bad Parts" by Richard Schwartz
“Stiches” by Anne Lamott
“You Could Make This Place Beautiful” by Maggie Smith
4. Making New Friends / Routines
My circleof friends are my lifelines, the constants in my life. But during this time, I also found myself dipping into a few relationships with people I’d known for a decade but hadn’t been as close with.
I truly can’t recommend pursuing this enough—it was, without a doubt, the best thing I did for myself. That said, it required a lot of effort and vulnerability. There were times when I hit dead ends with certain friendships, which was heartbreaking. But meaningful, honest connections take time to build. It’s a process that reveals who you can really trust and who is willing to meet you where you are. Despite the challenges, the reward of finding genuine relationships made every step worth it.
What made these connections so meaningful was that these friends didn’t know me and my exhusband as a unit. They got to know me on a deeper level, separate from the brand of me that had been tied to a partnership for so long. It was liberating to show up as just Dani—raw, unfiltered, and rediscovering herself.
These friendships brought fresh energy and new perspectives into my life. They also gave me the chance to create routines that felt like mine—whether it was a weekly walk, trying a new workout class, or simply sharing coffee and conversations.
Building these new connections reminded me that even in times of loss, there’s room for new beginnings. It’s not about replacing old friendships but expanding the circle of support and finding joy in being seen for who I truly am.
5. Focus on Kids & Rediscovery
It may sound cheesy, but my kids really have been my beacon of light during the past few years (and in life). Focusing on my kids gave my life a sense of purpose and direction during a time when everything else felt uncertain. Being present with them grounded me, and their laughter, curiosity, and love reminded me daily of what truly mattered. They were my anchor.
But the hardest part of the transition was when I didn’t have them. Those quiet, empty weeks were some of the most challenging moments. I was so used to being busy, so used to my role as their mom, that when the house was suddenly quiet, it felt almost unbearable.
That’s when I realized how important it was to fill that time with things that brought me joy, growth, and connection. I started with small steps: I started painting again, joined friends for a bi-weekly board game night, and got back into cooking and meal planning consistently. Each new activity gave me something to look forward to and a sense of accomplishment.
Finding hobbies and adventures wasn’t just about filling the time—it was about rediscovering myself as an individual. It reminded me that while I’m a mom, I’m also a person with passions, dreams, and a life to live. These moments of joy and self-discovery made me stronger for myself and my kids.
In the end, I’ve learned that even the hardest chapters eventually pass. Going through such a massive life transition can feel truly traumatic and heartbreakingly raw—it’s not just the loss of a relationship but the loss of the life you thought you’d have. There were days when it felt like the walls were caving in, days when I’d scroll through old photos of my “old life” and find myself overwhelmed with grief, asking, “What have I done?”
But with time, I started to see glimmers of hope in the cracks. As painful as it was, this transition also carried the promise of new beginnings. It’s messy, it’s heartbreaking, and it’s far from linear. But little by little, those moments of doubt gave way to moments of clarity and self-discovery.
If you’re in the middle of your own storm, know that it’s okay to feel all of it—the grief, the uncertainty, the regret. It’s all part of the process. And one day, you’ll find yourself looking forward instead of back, ready to step into the next chapter, stronger and more sure of yourself than you ever thought possible.
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