Practical Habits That Turned My Motherhood Mindset Around
Mothering wasn't made to be miserable
The Second Act is a weekly newsletter packed with obsessively-curated recommendations and ideas—let’s get to it!
📺 “The Residence” on Netflix - A silly “whodunnit” from Shonda Rimes, the head of the White House staff ends up dead the night of a state dinner. Uzo Aduba plays the investigator tasked with interviewing staff, guests, and the First Family, but the show is clearly designed to be watched in the background, as “casual viewing.” Characters constantly recapitulate the plot, despite its simplicity. That isn’t to say it’s not fun, but don’t expect high-caliber drama.
📚 Tilt by Emma Pattee - Another dystopian recommendation, Annie is shopping for a crib at IKEA in Portland (she’s about to give birth any day now) when the dreaded “Big One” strikes. Without a phone or wallet, she must walk across Portland to reach her home, meeting strangers along the way as she reflects on her own life dissatisfaction amid devastation.
🎥 ‘The Friend,’ in theaters: Naomi Watts stars in this adaptation of Sigrid Nuñez’s novel as Iris, a writer mourning the death of her friend while navigating the unexpected ownership of his Great Dane. The movie, like the novel, offers an incredibly sweet depiction of the ways in which connection, even across species, can crack us wide open, and reveal new possibilities.
I’ve been a mother for almost 10 years this fall. Wild. I remember holding my fresh, lil baby boy thinking, “this is my idea of heaven”. And here I am, with two incredibly intelligent, kind children (ages 9 and 4) who have hearts of joy that runs so deep, I feel as though I’ve been a mother for longer than the years I haven’t been. The days are long, the years are short is real. I look back at the fresh mom who promised herself she wouldn’t be a miserable mom and 10 years later, I still see the same goal in mind. Make sure they know they were wanted, make sure they feel like a blessing (not a burden), make sure they know they’re your biggest joy.
In the nearly 10 years though, the mundane has set in. The going beyond yourself where you feel so mentally drained that you wonder how have other woman been doing this since the existence of the world. The teeter-totter of wanting help, but knowing you’re the irreplaceable role in their lives. This is where some habits born out of straight need to be a joyful, cup-filled kind of mom have come to play.
Practical Habits That Turned My Motherhood Mindset Around
None of these are by any means “new ideas” but more like gentle reminders when you feel a need to reset.
Getting ready every day - Very rarely is there a day where I didn’t change my outfit at least once (even when working from home or weekends). For me, I love pretty, little things and clothes have always been fun. I seem to have passed this trait off to my children, because as soon as we get home from whatever activity, my daughter rushes to grab her princess dress and “fancy” shoes. She feels prettiest and herself in that sort of garb. I get it.
Hang up the phone and make it a landline - I wish I could tell you I first start with an impeccable morning routine and maybe one day I’ll get there. For now, mornings are thrown together breakfasts, trying to unload the dishes from the night before (if they fully made it in the dishwasher), and getting everyone dressed for the day and out the door for school. If I feel myself gravitating my phone, I know it’s because my mind wants to check out or escape my reality. This is a very big threat to needing to be a present and joyful mom at this point which means, the phone’s gotta have a time out. I can’t tell you enough how much better I instantly feel when I’m free of that device that can be so useful, yet so consuming. Team “make our cell phones a landline again”.
Taking a bath as many nights as I can - Big on the nighttime routine being something incredibly restful for you (naturally). Don’t force this or adopt someone else’s. If you’re a shower in the morning girl, pick up a book and head to the bed instead. As soon as the kids go down, I go straight to my rest time. This also means there’s a pick up routine as the kids wind down before bedtime so that I can enjoy my night. As soon as everyone’s in bed, mama’s resting and I genuinely look forward to how restful this time is!
Creating/hobby outside of my phone - Creating for my online gig is one of the biggest blessings and it genuinely is so fun. But there’s that itch to create to create and that’s where I try to grab a different hobby for a different season. Currently, I was gifted a keyboard and I’m slowly getting the hang of it. It’s so enjoyable to unplug and create for the sake of it. Sometimes it’s as simple as painting, which I also love, and mostly I find myself reading. Things that bring my brain rest and allow me to quiet down are so peaceful!
These are the little habits I realize I’ve prioritized consistently the past years that have helped me have a more thankful and peaceful mindset while mothering. Hope these added to yours!
What are some of your habits that bring you peace? Share below!
If you liked this, would you be kind enough to give it a little heart at the bottom? ❤️
The Second Act is an entirely reader-supported publication. Click here to upgrade to a Paid subscription or gift a friend a subscription here (if a friend sent you this —tell them thanks!). Anything you want covered? Questions? Reply with a comment below! You can also find me on Instagram. Please come say hi!
Putting my phone in a different room has been a game changer. I have a smart watch so I know if an important call comes in. It's really easy for me to fall down a dark hole with it, especially when I'm already down.