Lovin' Lately no. 30
This Is What No One Tells You About Self Improving
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Self-growth is supposed to feel good, right? You start going to bed a little earlier. You drink water before coffee. You set boundaries without over-explaining. You read the books. You start saying things like “this is my becoming era” and mean it.
But no one really prepares you for the weird, lonely stretch in the middle. That space where you’re outgrowing the old stuff—but you’re not quite rooted in the new yet. Where things are shifting, but it still kind of hurts.
Because changing your life isn’t just about quitting the things that weren’t working. It’s also about letting go of old versions of yourself, sometimes old relationships, sometimes the comfort of who you used to be. And even when the change is right—it can feel a little like grief.
1. You might outgrow people before you find new ones
No one warns you about the social side of growth. You start saying no to things that used to feel automatic. The conversations you once loved begin to feel… off. You’re not mad. Just not aligned.
And the hardest part? Letting go doesn’t always come with a new circle waiting to catch you. There’s a stretch of time where you feel in-between—no longer rooted in the old, but not yet grounded in the new. That space can feel hollow.
What helps: Get comfortable in your own company. Deepen your connection to you—the version that’s unfolding. The right people will come, but in the meantime, it’s okay to be your own soft place to land.
2. Discipline can feel invisible
No one claps when you get out of bed early, when you choose the quiet thing instead of the easy one, when you resist the urge to numb or scroll or abandon yourself. Growth is often silent. Internal. Lonely.
You’ll start showing up differently, and it might feel like no one even notices.
What helps: Track your own becoming. Journal the little shifts. Make note of what felt hard but aligned. Let yourself be proud, even if no one else sees it.
3. The old version of you might still feel like home
There’s comfort in the familiar, even when it wasn’t working. The habits you’ve outgrown had a rhythm. A predictability. You knew how they fit.
Now everything feels harder. Not because it’s wrong—but because it’s new.
What helps: Let yourself miss who you used to be. That doesn’t mean you’re slipping backward. It means you're honoring where you came from, even as you walk toward where you’re going.
4. Not everyone will get it
Your growth might stir something in people—not always in a supportive way. They might tease your new habits. Question your boundaries. Dismiss your shifts as a “phase.”
Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it stings. But it often says more about them than you.
What helps: Protect your peace. You don’t have to explain your evolution to people committed to misunderstanding it. Let them fall away if they need to. That’s not failure—it’s alignment.
5. You’ll have to sit with yourself more than ever
Before, it was easy to fill the quiet with noise. Plans. Distractions. Tasks.
But real growth asks for stillness. It asks you to notice the thoughts that rise up when you stop running. And honestly? That can be brutal.
What helps: Don’t rush past the discomfort. Let the silence teach you something. Take walks without your phone. Write without editing. Learn how to enjoy being alone without feeling like you need to perform.
6. You start noticing what you can’t unsee
Once you begin paying attention—really paying attention—you can’t go back.
You notice the drama in small talk, the fear under people’s certainty, the ways we stay stuck just because stuck is easier than change. And it’s isolating. Like you’re awake in a room where everyone else is still sleeping.
What helps: Seek out voices that make you feel less alone. Books, podcasts, people who are doing the same kind of work. You’re not the only one. But you might be the first in your circle. And that’s a brave place to stand.
7. Growth takes longer than you want it to
There’s no timeline for becoming. No milestone chart to measure against.
Some days you’ll feel like you’ve made progress. Others, like you’re back at the start. The middle is muddy. It can feel like everyone else is sprinting while you’re rebuilding brick by brick.
What helps: Keep going. Progress isn’t always visible. Sometimes it’s just choosing not to give up—even when the payoff hasn’t arrived yet.
8. Eventually, your people will find you
The loneliness won’t last forever. The more you become yourself, the more you naturally draw in people who feel like home.
The conversations get deeper. The connections feel safer. And one day, you’ll realize you’re no longer pretending. You’re just… being.
What helps: Stay the course. The loneliness is not a red flag. It’s a sign you’re crossing into something new. And that’s sacred work.
The Second Act is an entirely reader-supported publication written and created by Danielle Wraith. Click here to subscribe or gift a friend a subscription here (if a friend sent you this —tell them thanks!). Anything you want covered? Questions? Reply with a comment below! You can also find me on Instagram. Please come say hi!
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