Hi! Danielle Wraith here! The Second Act is the weekly newsletter I always wanted in my inbox, packed with obsessively-curated recommendations, thoughtful reflections on books, feelings, life, and the art of making room for more. Whether you're seeking inspiration or connection. The Second Act offers a warm, inviting space for all.
Imagine we’re catching up over coffee and I’m gushing over what I’ve been Lovin’ Lately…
📚 Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin: Shortly after Sam and Sadie reunite on a subway platform in Boston after being childhood best friends, they design a video game together called Ichigo that quickly becomes a smash hit and defines the course of their lives. I know little-to-nothing about video games (the last time I held a controller it was a Nintendo 64, and not yet retro), but Zevin’s pacing and storytelling is so captivating, she could interest me in anything, including gaming “engines” and MMORPGs. This book is honestly brilliant, told in loosely themed sections including one that mimics the structure of a game Sam and Sadie are building. Was one of my favorite books I read last year!
📺 “The Bear” on Hulu: Each episode of this series has the frenetic energy of a restaurant kitchen, mirroring that of the chaotic steak sandwich shop Carmy runs after inheriting it from his brother. Carmy is the quintessential chef, complete with requisite knife tattoos and a resumé that includes The French Laundry and Noma, but is in over his head with his new slate of responsibilities. Still, the dizzying pace of Carmy’s life, and the show itself, is addictive. Just don’t watch it hungry. (Seriously, order sandwiches before the first episode.)
🎧 “Try This” Podcast by The Washington Post: In this bite-sized alternative to NPR’s already snackable “Life Kit,” host Cristina Quinn shares tips in sub-ten-minute episodes. Her first group of “audio classes” tackles insomnia and, while most of the tips are fairly obvious, some, like conceptualizing sleep as a ball of pizza dough, are helpful.
Everyone I know is going through something right now. When I get together with friends, for walks or coffee, the regular excited banter has been replaced by something closer to emotional triage. We take turns talking, offering advice, and consoling. A lot of this can be explained by the current state of politics, but also by the transitional stage of our thirties that I and so many of my friends are in the thick of.
It took me a long time (too long) to realize that self care is not directly proportional to the number of sheet masks I slather on, but about doing things that preserve joy and enable resilience. When I think about self care today, it’s about maintaining an emotionally regulated space, so that I’m stable enough to take on the unexpected. Over the past few weeks, so many big and little things went wrong I began to lose track: I realized my current medication for anxiety was no longer working for my needs. After a discussion with my Dr. we switched things up. I realized at 10PM last Wednesday that I had an all-day meeting the next day that I hadn’t even begun to prepare for, I wrote an entire issue of this newsletter only to realize it didn’t save. One of my friend’s favorite refrain is “EGBOK” which stands for “everything’s going to be okay,” and I’m thankful that it all was. I’ll be okay, the meeting was fine, and there were no breakdowns.
An easy way to conceptualize your need for self care is by asking yourself this baseline question: How upset will I be if I get into a fender bender today? Will I be able to react calmly? Or will I break down? In rare moments, I’m so dysregulated that I’ll burst into tears (sometimes seasoned by a string of expletives) if someone so much as cuts me off. Without self care, we react in ways we regret later, are more vulnerable to bad habits, and more emotionally impacted by the life events we can’t control. So what is self care, if not face masks?
Make time to do less: Endless to-dos can be the greatest obstacle to taking care of yourself (hence the value of pruning, whenever possible!). But sometimes blocking off time—ten minutes, an hour, a day—to do nothing and rest is vital. Protect that time and take a look at your to-do list: What can be consolidated or put off until tomorrow? What really has to get done, and is it more important than your mental health? Sometimes self care is simply accomplishing what you can, and not feeling guilty about it.
Engage in daily rituals: Life gets crazy, which is why it’s so important to commit to doing certain things for yourself every single day. With very few exceptions, I make myself coffee and sit down to breakfast every morning, exercise for at least thirty minutes, and take my dog Margot for a long walk every evening. Taking things a step further, and doing little things to make daily to-dos more enjoyable, like putting on a playlist while washing the dishes... etc.
Get things done: Sometimes the best thing you can do to take care of yourself is get things done, then relax (something I wrote about here!). Set a timer to tackle something looming on your to-do list—emails, tidying, errands—then (and this is key) reward yourself with a relaxing activity.
Go for a walk outside: You know the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who’s obsessed with Windex as a cure-all? That’s me with long walks. I firmly believe that walking outside (or spending anytime in nature, if a walk isn’t available to you) is the answer to most things. Any time I feel upset, frustrated, or burnt out, a walk helps.
Lean on the tride-and-true: There is something undeniably comforting about diving into something tried-and-true, like a dish you ate growing up, a favorite movie (what is it about How to Loose a Guy in 10 days that is so damn comforting?), or book.
Take time to reflect: A few months ago, I began journaling again, really carving out time to write and reflect and sit in the mess of being a human, followed-up by a long walk. Though the process sometimes feels like I’m opening Pandora’s box, it’s also been deeply rewarding. On days when I don’t have time for a full reflection (so, most days), I still jot down three things I’m grateful for in a notebook I keep in my bedside table. I love to look back at it and see pages dense with moments that brought me joy.
A little post-script of self care ideas… Invite friends over for a bring-your-own-dinner casual hang. Read a book cover to cover in a single day. Lie on the floor and listen to an entire album. Walk to get ice cream after dinner at home. Buy a coffee and drink it slowly without pulling out your phone. Visit this random joy generator. Listen to a fun podcast like “Normal Gossip” or a memoir while on a walk. Invoke “movie theater rules” for your next movie night—no pausing or texting, and make sure there’s popcorn.
Sharing a few of my saves and other faves bc cool girls don’t gatekeep
for your ears: lit girl fall playlist
The Most Cottagecore Way to Store Your Spices
Dolly's Hangover Mac and Cheese recipe from Everything I Know About Love
I’ve had this medium leather case for yeeeears as my makeup bag. It makes for a great gift. (I’ve gifted this to a few family members!)
These cropped Wide-Leg Jeans will transition nicely from Fall to Winter!
They are saying red is the color for fall, and this fun Buckle Belt is a great way top add a little red to your wardrobe!
Can’t get over how cute this Short-Sleeve bow seater is!
One of my favorite Olipop flavors is out for Fall!
The fact that these light-weight Chunky Rope Huggie Hoop Earrings are still in my cart is shocking. Ordering asap.
This collection of calendars is a thoughtful reflection on how we capture time.
Was remindewd of this Jia Tolentino essay on the obsession with self-optimization… reread it to torture myself with all the conflicting feelings.
I need to make this almond olive oil cake asap.
Found this feature on The Cheesecake Factory to be far more interesting than I expected.
My anxiety meds are also currently not working and I'm trying my best to make it until my next appointment. Over here questioning if I'm entering perimenopause already. I read that Vox article on the Cheesecake Factory before and it's too real. I'm lowkey obsessed. We don't have one nearby.