Are You a "Someday" Collector?
And a must-read essay collection.
📚 The Crane Wife by CJ Hauser: Ten days after calling off her wedding, Hauser traveled to the gulf coast of Texas to join a scientific expedition studying cranes. Her account—of the birds, but mostly the small things in her relationship that made her feel “burdensome and less than self-sufficient”—went viral in 2019 and is the title of her new collection of essays. It’s full of insightful and darkly funny gems, like when an ill-chosen blue neckerchief leads her to vow, “never again to wear any article of clothing that you could not survive the mortification of being dumped in. This has proved to be a good rule.” The essay is wonderful, but the book illuminates a more complete picture of a life in the context of relationships.
🎥 ‘A Family Affiar’: I reluctantly watched this, but I still loved how this unexpected romance, triggers comic consequences for a young woman, her mother, and her boss, grappling with the complications of love, sex, and identity. It’s nothing particularly memorable, but it’s certainly entertaining! Basically a Hallmark movie on steroids…and cosmetic surgery.
💌 “Heartbeat” Newsletter: Created as a home to celebrate an under-appreciated genre of fiction, romance writers, Georgia Clark and Hannah Orenstein’s new newsletter features original romantic short fiction each week. The first two are feel-good stories that showcase the breadth of the genre: a teen romance between two budding actors and a 1950s “Mad Men”-esque tryst complete with martinis and “delicious” tension. I’m already looking forward to the next one.
As a compulsively future-focused person, I have a tendency to file most things into the “someday” folder, particularly when it comes to activities I don’t have to do but want to do. The have-to’s are easy: I recently turned in a project a week early (…I know), respond to emails promptly, start a load of laundry before the sun has risen. But it recently occurred to me how often I put off the want-to’s.
There are countless proverbial coffee shops I’ve never visited: A separate browser window holds an ever-growing collection of long-form articles I’m interested in reading when I have time. When I read magazines, I dog-ear articles for a later that never comes. My “Saved” folder on Instagram consists almost entirely of videos I would like to watch at some point. I have never been a procrastinator, but it’s hard to ignore how many somedays I keep, and I have a sense I’m far from the only “someday” collector here. We are all so incredibly busy that it can feel impossible to justify an action whose sole purpose is enjoyment.
Standing outside of the coffee shop, I began to run through the reasons I shouldn’t go in, the most legitimate being: I had a lot of work to do before a teams meeting in two hours. Before I could get too far down my own rabbit hole, I stepped inside and ordered an iced latte. I didn’t have a book to read, so I brought my drink to a window seat where I could watch the late-morning dog-walkers go by. The entire divergence took about ten minutes. It didn’t derail my entire day, as I worried it would, but empowered me to make room for more spontaneous moments, which quickly snowballed.
Between the coffee shop and my car, I passed a new restaurant I had heard great things about but never visited. It was early for lunch, but I stopped anyway and ordered their most popular dish, which was delicious. In the late afternoon, after I had made my way through most of my work, a friend texted to ask if I wanted to meet for a HH drink. I still had plenty of work to do, but accepted, thinking of the joy that morning had brought me. We sat and talked for hours, eating strawberries and chatting, then I went home and made a recipe I’ve been curious to try for months, but simply never got around to. In the span of a single day, I said yes to four things I’ve been putting off, all of which brought me immense joy—and, most importantly, didn’t derail my week.
Of course, it isn’t possible to stop for every iced latte and lunch, but spending a day saying “yes” to spontaneous moments reminded me of the value of listening to my instincts in the moment. And there have been countless moments since, all of which stand out as favorite parts of this week. Although it’s counter-intuitive to provide ideas for accepting spontaneous plans, here are a few ideas to at least get the gears turning:
Sit down to read a magazine cover to cover as soon as it arrives.
Commit to saying “yes” the next time a coworker or friend invites you to a last-minute plan. Maybe it’s to walk with them as they pick up lunch or to a concert, but be open to the possibility.
Text or call a friend in the moment you’re thinking of them.
Begin reading the book you bought or borrowed as soon as you get home.
I would love to hear about some of the “somedays” you’ve been putting off—big and small! Let’s chat in the comments!
ICYMI: A “Grey’s Anatomy” writer turned her cancer and trauma into plot lines (but it turns out she lied about everything). I’m more of an analog timer fan myself, but this website combines calming soundscapes, visuals, and a timer for productivity. Intrigued by this documentary. An oral history of Romy and Michele, “inspired by some hilariously banal conversations[…] overheard at pick-up bars across L.A.” A balm for gardeners’ hands. A robe that feels like a weighted blanket.