10 Things I’m Aging Out Of
Who can relate?
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For better (perspective) or worse (gravity), things evolve as we age. For the most part, like an old house with really great bones or a vintage wine, I believe we just keep getting better with time. A better that can only come with experiences, failures and profound life moments that make us more human, more dynamic, more us. And so, while we may grapple with the challenges of our exterior patinas, it’s important to remember that as we get older, the more worn-in we are, the better we become.
As I get more broken-in, I find that I’m aging out of certain things. Such is life, or c'est la vie, which could have easily been the title of this newsletter! Call them growth spurts or evolutions, here are some that have been top of mind lately:
1. Disheveled As Chic
For a good portion of my adult life, my personal style often had a slightly disheveled vibe, which I liked to think of as “effortlessly chic.” Which word — disheveled or effortless — came top of mind to whoever saw me, well, that, my friends, was in the eye of the beholder! If you’re a millennial, perhaps disheveled was once part of your vibe, too? (Thank you, Mary-Kate and Ashley, for endlessly influencing allll the iconic phenomenons.)
Fast forward to today and the charm of disheveled doesn’t quite land the same. What I could once get away with as cool and effortless simply just reads as messy. Now, if I look disheveled, it’s simply because I am!
I woke up like this, is more like, I woke up likeeee this: need my ice roller, a coffee and a few minutes to pull myself together because effortless requires a lot more effort now, okayyyyy? Thanks!
2. Not Showing Vulnerability
I’ve always kept things pretty close to my chest and wasn’t known for showing much vulnerability. Some would call me guarded. But, after building real relationships this year and launching this newsletter, I’ve found that vulnerability can be an incredible strength. Sharing real, raw human experiences or talking about taboo topics is a connectedness I never would have found if I simply stayed closed off. And I’m so glad I chose not to because that’s what brings me here with you!
3. Putting Up With Mean-Girl Energy
I once naively believed that mean-girl energy was something that dried up with age. But unlike puddles after the rain, it turns out mean-girl energy doesn’t always evaporate. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. I do know childhood friends who turned the corner and matured out of it, but those aside, it still very much exists in adults, and you know what? I’m totally over it. If reality is what we pay attention to, I no longer pay much attention to women who give off mean-girl energy, whether it’s subtle or excruciatingly loud. Meanness channeled with words, behind backs or weird social media antics — I just don’t have the space for it. Today, when confronted with mean-girl energy, it’s a “thank you, next!” for me.
4. Saying Yes When I Want To Say No
As a recovering people pleaser, I find the word "yes” coming out of my mouth when my brain is screaming, “nooooo!”
“Whyyy am I like this?” I often wonder after over-committing or agreeing to something I really don’t want to do simply because I don’t like letting others down.
Recently, however, I find myself saying yes much less often. Perhaps it’s because I’mjuggling mroe than I used to, or not having the space or, more optimistically, maybe it’s personal growth.
5. Avoiding Being Alone
At one point in my life, I didn’t go to class, coffee shops, restaurants, parties or anywhere, really, alone. Now, I love, love, love being alone and oftentimes prefer it. Not because I’m anti-social (ok, maybe a little), but because I’m at a place where alone time is scarce and feeding those solitary cravings is self-care.
6. Hot-Girl Era Wardrobe Essentials
The lacey chic bras that provide no function other than eliciting gazes and dresses tight enough to require double spanx are very low on my interest level these days. They’re not a hard no, more like an exception. Who can relate?
7. Naivety In Matters Of Business
One of the beautiful things of being young is that you don’t know what you don’t know. And not knowing can be an incredible gift! I was pretty fearless when it came to business. Now, I’m much more hesitant to start a new business or get involved with another company because I know too much. Ahh, naivety, what a blessing! I miss it. But on the flip side, I’ve learned a ton and know what I’m doing.
8. Late-Night Plans
Never could I have imagined a world in which I’d go to dinner at 5:00. In fact, the only time you’d catch me in a restaurant near that hour was during happy hour. We didn’t go out to a bar or club much earlier than 11:30! Cut to now, and I can’t commit to plans unless they’re within certain parameters: 7:30 or earlier start time, at a convenient location, with good parking. At least for now, while I’m in this young children chapter. With that said, I do love a wild late night with friends every now and then to feed the soul.
9. Over-Documenting and Sharing Too Much of My Life
We all lived the social experiment that is phones with cameras and oversharing on social media. What a time! A magically fun time, in fact. But now, at this point in my life, I’ve scaled way back. Less talking to the camera, less sharing every element of my life (besides pieces of my soul here on Substack, which, to me, feels quite different) and less time taking photos and videos that will rarely get looked at ever again. Ungluing the phone from my hand and unplugging my brain from social media (more often) has been driven by my children’s need for all my attention, which is a beautiful thing! With the bonus that it feels good for my health and time. For me now, moderation is the key with both posting and consuming.
10. Making Myself Small For Others
Do you ever catch yourself making yourself small so others feel comfortable? Yaaa I have too and, honestly, it’s a sign of a not-so-great relationship. After getting out of a toxic situation where this was a big theme, I’m much more aware of this, and when I feel myself doing it, I mark it as a red flag.
What about you? What are you finding yourself aging out of lately?
A few saves from Instagram:
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